Gimme a D-, Gimme an A-, Gimme a D- // Co-Parenting 101

Recently, a friend complimented me on my commitment to my daughters’ relationship with their father. I responded by telling her that I consider the relationship a sacred one. I believe this mindset is the beginning of successful co-parenting. The relationship between a child and both parents remains sacred, despite the divorce/post-relationship bitterness and disappointment swirling around. It’s not easy keeping the dynamic between the adults separate from the adult-child(ren) relationship, but it’s necessary. I feel like a broken record with that sentiment, for many aspects of co-parenting: it’s not easy, but it’s necessary.

With this in mind, two things crossed my radar recently. The first was an article from The Times of the Internet, “a collaborative online newspaper.” Even though not all divorced men are dads, I thought readers of this site might appreciate the perspective in “Husbands After Divorce: The Forgotten People”. (The nitpicker in me sez, “Shouldn’t it read, ‘MEN After Divorce”, because technically speaking, after divorce they are no longer anyone’s husband.’”)

The article links to a site which states on the home page that “the suicide rate for separated men is up to seventy times higher than that of normal men.” Hmm…I’d like to know where they got that stat, out of curiosity, but no citation of any study is offered. Also, did the study really refer to men who aren’t separated as “normal” and separated guys as some kinds of freaks of nature?

I read on and learn that the site offers support for divorced men…for only $49.95. Counseling and self-help books aren’t free, so I’m not mad at the site’s owner for charging a fee. However, pricing displayed prominently on home pages–especially ones that end in $.95–sets my Spidey sense to tingling.

So, I click around some more, and eventually find a firm reason to give this site a permanent raised eyebrow. Under “Resources”, can you guess what the very first item listed is? You’d think it would be financial and legal resources–but you’d be wrong. Maybe some tips on handling custody issues? Pshaw. First up: “Dating Women” [Gay Men and Those Who Prefer to Date Tree Stumps Need Not Apply], specifically “Dating and Seduction Courses for Men”.

That link then leads to an even skeevier website that opens with a video of The. Worst. Pick. Up. Lines. Ever. But the poor divorced sap is assured that he can learn better, more effective lines and be spared his current loneliness–and learn how to steal women from other guys!–if he signs up for this program. Which is of course free…for a limited time. Not sold? How about this ringing endorsement…

“Dude, after following the tips in your free mini-course, I went out and got laid by THREE drop-dead gorgeous women, including one girl I’ve had the hots for and have known for three years. You rock!”
~ Alan C., Texas

I wonder if Alan C. is in the midst of a divorce. If so, he probably has a lot of free time since he’s not focusing any of his attention on those pesky financial, legal, or custody issues.

I also began to wonder about the legitimacy of “The Times of the Internet”, this “collaborative online newspaper”, so I click back to the original article–which begins to look more and more like an ad for the pro-husband/man website! At first read, I thought the last line of the article was just clichéd and an example of poor writing (”They say knowledge is power so if you need the power to move on and be happy again click below for more information.”), but I realized that it was a pitch posing as a news article.

It’s a shame too, because I really do believe that when it comes to divorce, grief, and all manner of other emotional trials, we truly live in a women-and-children-first culture. Are there legitimate post-divorce sresources out there specifically for men that you’ve found helpful? Share in the comments, or here.

I’ll close with the second dad-thing on my radar this week, the following video. Enjoy!