As we continue to research for resources and news items related to co-parenting after divorce and separation, time and time again articles pop up from outside of the U.S. It’s not that I’m surprised that people co-parent elsewhere (we are so not American-centrists!); we’re surprised that so little it seems, comparatively, is being written about co-parenting Stateside.

Today, I (Deesha) found a Canadian article which talks about the co-parenting during the holidays. Here’s an excerpt which I believe gets at the essence and the core struggle of co-parenting:

“We’re all accustomed to the big hype about this holiday season, whether it’s Hanukkah or Christmas we celebrate,” said Sharon Shenker, a divorced mother of two and a family and relationship coach with Montreal-based Divorce Support Plus.

“The radio doesn’t stop with the cheery music talking about love and happiness and family and good cheer, and when somebody’s getting over basically the devastation of their whole life and all their future plans and dreams, it’s not an easy time.”

…Regardless of how acrimonious the split is, Shenker said the key thing for parents to remember is children deserve to celebrate the holiday — whether the parents really feel like it or not.

“That’s the number 1 responsibility of being a parent: to know how to hide your own grief and anger and be there for your kids in the way that they need you to be. They’re counting on you.”

I don’t believe hiding grief and anger is something that can be done absolutely, but I do agree with some measure of “grown-up sucking it up” as much as possible, and not just during the holidays. I recall days of my own grief (divorce-related, and related to deaths in my family) where I struggled to put on a good face for the kids’ sake. That kind of “hiding” can’t be sustained forever, however–nor should it be–but we should never ask children to bear the burden of our grief. We can model for them that it’s important to express our hurts in healthy ways, and to know when we need the help of friends, relatives, or counselors. But we should never ask them to do the heavy lifting of our sorrows.

The rest of the article is here.