We’ve posted a few articles and lists here to help co-parents during the holiday season. But one reader writes asking, “How do you all celebrate the holidays?”
The way we handle the holidays as co-parents flows from our belief that despite our divorce and the problems between us that contributed to our divorce, our children still need to feel that they are a part of a family. From the outset of our separation, we were committed to not turning the holidays into a battleground on which to continue playing out our grown-up problems. Instead, the holidays would be what they had always been for our girls–festive, memorable occasions–the main differences being location and parental presence. This means that the children enjoy the holidays with both us, some times at the same time, some times separately.
What does this look like in practice?
For long weekend holidays such as Columbus Day and Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, we alternate so that the kids get to spend roughly an equal number of those long weekends with each of us during the course of the year.
We alternate Thanksgiving such that the kids are with mom one year, dad the next, and so on. Looking ahead, we are open to the possibility of a joint celebration. We alternate New Year’s Eve in a similar fashion so that we each have the opportunity to ring in the New Year with our kids some years as well as enjoy adult celebrations in the “off” years.
When we separated, the four of us spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day first at dad’s house, then at mom’s house the following year. The next year, we had maternal relatives in from out of town, so we opted to all spend Christmas at mom’s house again. One of the keys to the success of our co-parenting relationship is flexibility.
All that said: We aren’t saints. Our co-parenting relationship has evolved over time. But what has been constant is our commitment to making our grown-up “history” take a backseat to the very present needs of our children, during the holidays and throughout the year.
How are you spending the holidays with your family this year?
We wish all of our readers a peaceful, joyous holiday season!