From Minnesota Public Radio comes news about that state’s Legislature considering a change to its child custody laws. Should judges automatically presume that children split their time living with each of their divorced parents?
One national scholar on children of divorce says a number of states have considered using the presumption, but Idaho has actually done it for the past several years. Robert Emery says Australia has also enacted it with varied results.
Emery says ordering judges to start with the idea that joint physical custody is the way to go in divorce cases can be the best and the worst of worlds for children. He says it’s the best arrangement for children when parents can set aside their conflict.
“Because kids can learn, even despite their parents’ divorce, that they still have two parents. And we have good research that shows kids thrive in that situation,” said Emery. “But unfortunately, joint custody can be the worst for kids if it’s used to divide the child between two very contentious parents. In that case, it can leave children in essentially a war zone.”
Read the entire article here, or listen to it here:
[...] Minnesota Child Custody Law Up for Review “But unfortunately, joint custody can be the worst for kids if it’s used to divide the child between two very contentious parents. In that case, it can leave children in essentially a war zone.” [...]
I have read a lot of comments concerning shared physical custody & very few of those speak of the long term effects on the child. How would you like to live out of a suitcase, have 2 homes, 2 Churches, 2 entirely different sets of friends, two entirely different routines, two entirely different sets of moral teachings, have to leave your favorite chair, car, person, every other week? Where’s the consistency, the sense of belonging, the roots, the security? Persons that would do this to a child in my opinion should re-evaluate their reasoning for doing this and or wanting to do this? Are you truly doing it for the child? You may as well put them in counseling now because they will end up there or God Forbid, even a worse place. I have seen first hand the results of shared physical custody?
Hi, Carolyn,
Since not every co-parenting and shared physical custody situation is the worst-case scenario you describe, different co-parents will have different answers to the questions you pose above. For example, in your hypothetical question, you mention a “favorite” person that a child leaves behind every other week. Of the co-parents we know intimately, none of their children have a “favorite” parent; they love both parents. Similarly, with regard to “two entirely different sets of moral teachings”–that’s not necessarily the case for every co-parenting family. The issue is not shared custody; many families are able to make this work well and their children are happy and well-adjusted. The issue is how parents conduct themselves in the context of a shared custody arrangement. The negative first-hand results you’ve seen have nothing to do with the principle of shared custody itself and everything to do with the failings of one or both of the parents in these situations.
This is not to say that children don’t struggle within the context of shared physical custody, but the bleak picture you describe is certainly not every child’s experience. It’s not our children’s experience for sure.
The long-term effects on children in shared custody situations are also diverse, as reported by adult children of divorce–so we don’t have to speculate.
Finally, children whose parents don’t share custody sometimes end up in counseling or “even a worse place” for a variety of reasons that may have nothing to do with their custody arrangement; likewise for children in shared physical custody, likewise for children whose parents remain married. People in general end up in counseling for a multitude of reasons. Giving one parent sole custody is no guarantee of any particular outcome.
In parenting, in general, there are no guarantees. We’re all (hopefully) striving to do the best we can by our children.