Co-Parenting and Dating: BabyMama Drama…”Not Your Typical Story”, part 3 // Co-Parenting 101

Part 2 of guest-blogger Carey’s story ended with the mother of his daughter confronting him in a parking lot–with a gun–as his other lover and his young son stood nearby. He continues his story here in Part 3:

Co-parenting is like the game of Tic-Tac-Toe. Some parents always want to be the “ex” in the middle. The game is won when three “X’s” or three “O’s” are all aligned in one row, not just when the “X” is in the middle. It doesn’t matter if they are aligned diagonally, across or up and down; they just need to be in line. But no, some parents desire to be the “ex” in the center square at all cost. They stay stuck in the middle square failing to grasp the concept of being a team player – a family player. But I’m getting ahead of myself…

There I was that day in the parking lot, stuck in the middle. A man that had walked a tightrope of life was about to fall down. I was stuck between a gun-wielding woman and another woman lost in disbelief. As she held the gun, Debbie’s* eyes left mine and slowly traveled to the child running behind me. She looked at me, and then back to the child. Her face said it all; she realized that was my son. Her eyes swelled with tears. Rita*, my son’s mother, was behind me calling my name. (*names changed)

Debbie was by no means the type of woman to carry a gun. Years later, I asked her what she was going to do with the gun, she said, “Shoot your *ss!” I asked her why she didn’t do it. She said, “What kind of woman would I be if I shot a man while a crying child ran behind him saying, ‘Daddy, Daddy’?” I then asked her where she got the gun, and she said, “Your brother.”

I think it’s safe to assume that many have a few choice names for me. I do not think it would be a stretch to include “louse” and “jerk”, and I would agree. However, in defense of myself, I would rather have been a wolf, a pig or a dog back then than to presently be a bad parent. I am not saying it’s okay to be bad person or to have been a bad person. I think it’s wiser to learn from our mistakes and grow through them. Some individuals are lousy husbands and dreadful wives, yet good parents. Many people cannot live with another person or at least not with their ex. Some don’t know how to love another until a child comes into their lives.

I had two great parents. My father has passed away. My father was the best man I’ve ever known. Not simply because he was my father, just because he was a good man. After my father passed away, I found out that he too had an affair. In fact, he also had a child by another woman. The man, my father’s son, was about the same age as my older brother. I came across this information by accident when a person asked me why I didn’t attend my brother’s funeral. I knew “my” brother had not died so I went to my mother to ask questions. They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. My father made a few mistakes as a young man, and I knew nothing about them. Had my mother used this information in a spiteful way, it could have affect our whole family dynamic. There’s a valuable lesson in my mother’s silence. I think it’s important that the child make the determination of the character of the man, and it should not come from the mouth of the other parent – it serves no purpose.

Anyway, back to that day in the parking lot at the racetrack…Standing between two women, riddled with shame and guilt, I didn’t know what to do. Debbie dropped her head (and the gun) and walked away. Rita was furious. I picked up my son and walked toward the car. It was a five-hour drive back to the military base. Rita lived in on-base housing. I frequently stayed there several nights. We were not married. I had an apartment off base. That night I stayed at my apartment. The next day, after talking with Rita, I drove back to my home town to talk with Debbie. She told me not to come, but I went anyway.

To be continued …

Carey blogs at “Carry Me Home” and lives in the Midwest.

Part2, BabyMama Drama…”Not Your Typical Story”

Co-Parenting and Dating: Boyfriends and “BabyMamas”

Co-Parenting and Dating: “When You, Me, and the Ex Make Three”