One of the reasons we founded this site was to offer a multiplicity of voices and experiences from the co-parenting trenches.  Ours is just one family, with a particular journey; we know there are many other families with journeys that resemble ours in some ways, but are uniquely theirs in others.  In other words, co-parenting is not a one-size fits all endeavor.

This is evident in our “Co-Parenting and Dating” series.  Yesterday, in the first installment, “When You, Me, and the Ex Make Three”, we shared a mom’s story about how her congenial relationship with her fellow co-parent hindered her dating life post-divorce.  In today’s installment, guest-blogger, Carey, a grandfather and veteran co-parenting dad of adult children, tells a very different “co-parenting and dating” tale as he was “dating”…while also in a “committed” relationship.

The responsibility of being a co-parent is not the sole possession of the rich and famous or the family living on government assistance.

In fact, there was an old TV program called Candid Camera that had a jingle that went something like this: “When you least expect it/you’re elected/you’re the star today.”

Well, we co-parents know that to be so true. We didn’t necessarily ask for this job, but find ourselves asking for answers on how to do this. Everyone’s story is different, yet in some way the same.

This story is not your typical “we grew apart” story.

This is not “I was a good man, but my wife didn’t understand me”, type story.

This story is about a man and a women that fell in love.  Like most love stories, there’s a beginning, a middle and the end. This story begins with a man that had lived a few years, and a young beautiful black woman that was just leaving her nest. They met in the military; he a fast talker, slick walker. She was a young innocent girl out to see the world. He had a history. In fact, he was denied entry into one branch of the military because of past criminal behavior. He was young but the streets called him at an early age. Being of a criminal mind and no one’s fool, he found a way to slip into a different branch of the armed forces.

Since he considered himself a lover and not a fighter and wasn’t going to shoot at anyone, he wiggled his way into the cool confines of an office job. He felt like one of the “Beverly Hillbillies” ….swimming pools, movies stars AND air conditioning.

Life was good.  He had a first-hand view of all the new women that arrived on the base. Aside from greeting them at the door, their records preceded them. At first, he felt kind of funny looking at their past, but he rationalized that it was his job to make sure all their records were in order – it was one of his jobs.

He came from the streets, so he’d witnessed all the pimps and hustlers trying to lay their magic on women, but his thang was different. An old player once told him that women love sincere men that make them smile. So his thang was sincerity with a smile and a pinch of dishonesty….just a pinch. He knew that most women felt isolated in the military and longed for home. Well, while looking through their records to see if they had any…any…things he didn’t want to catch.  He would also look to see what high school they went to and the city they were from.

He was a clever old fox. While greeting them at the door, he would extend his hand and then quickly pull it back with a startled look and say, “Helen Lampkin, German Town High School, woman you haven’t changed one bit”. The ice was broken, the woman was comfortable with her long-lost homie. Now, he still had work to do, but friends before lovers was the name of the game, and two “friends” had found each other on a lonely military base.

One such woman tweaked his heart.  Her walked with along stride, with her shoulders held back and her chin slightly tipped up. She had heard all the lines. Women like that don’t have to sleep alone. The old wolf knew he had to come with a new game. He decide just to be sincere without any lies–well, almost. He told her what he generally did when anticipating a new arrival, but that he just want to be straight up with her. He told her that he just wanted to meet her, and he didn’t want to start a friendship off with a lie. She paused and asked him if he looked in her medical records. He looked deep into her eyes and told her that he had not – he lied, but the relationship blossomed.  Like I said, he was a wolf.

Life was good; they were the talk of the base. They drove around in a brand new block-long Oldsmobile Ninety Eight that she helped him pay for. They yelled out the windows at the other soldiers and turned up their music to blast Marvin Gaye…..What’s going on …..What’s going’ on?

They were in love. There was only one problem. This wolf-turned-serious-lover had another lover – back home…and a child too.

Love is a funny thang, it doesn’t divide in equal parts. I was on the cusp of leading others into a life of co-parenting. They were good women. I was a young, insecure child living in a man’s body.

to be continued…

Carey blogs at “Carry Me Home” and lives in the Midwest.

Related:

Co-Parenting and Dating: “When You, Me, and the Ex Make Three”

Co-Parenting and Dating: Boyfriends and “BabyMamas”