Yesterday, I (Deesha) wrote about working through my bruised feelings after my kids groaned at the reminder that they were staying with me, and not their father on “my” night (Tuesday).  What I didn’t write was that at the onset of our separation in 2005, the girls were with me Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights, in addition to every other weekend.   Then, a few years ago, the girls began staying with Mike on Monday nights, and this spring, they started staying with him on Wednesday nights as well.  As I explained in yesterday’s post, because I am a freelance writer and work from home, the girls still end up being with me more than they are with Mike–and they still missed him in the evenings.  Hence the addition of Monday and Wednesday nights.

Well, in her email to me in response to yesterday’s post, our children’s stepmom, Sherry, reflected on her reaction to the Monday night change.  I asked her if I could share her email her, and she agreed.

Deesha,

Your post puts so many things into perspective for me. I remember when Taylor first talked about having the extra night, Monday night. Michael and I knew that it would affect (while we were just dating) our relationship in the sense of adult alone time. I expressed to him how much I loved…needed…our child-free time. Time where we didn’t have to gauge our words, and I didn’t have to compete for space on his lap. We could watch TV, or eat ice-cream for dinner without chastisement from the little people. I admit that in my initial reaction, I was being selfish.Taylor needs her time with her dad. So does Peyton.

Michael talked initially about adding an extra night during the week, but wanted to hear what Taylor had to say. When they (Michael and Taylor) were out to dinner, I  met up with them after their talk, and Michael explained to me what the “best decision for everyone” was: that the girls would have an additional evening with Michael–Monday nights.

Again, my knee-jerk reaction was to say, “Really? Best for everyone?” How, when everyone wasn’t a part of the conversation? It didn’t matter because apparently everyone that needed to be apart of the conversation was.

After dinner, I went back to my apartment and did some serious thinking. Thinking about what it was truly going to mean being a part of a healthy, blended family. Was I really ready to continue being the girlfriend of a committed, divorced father? Was I ready to potentially walk into a marriage with a man that knew he’d always be a father, no matter if he’d ever be a husband, banker or friend?

I thought and prayed and finally came to a decision. I called him and told him that I supported the decision 100%.

These are still the times in the girls’ lives where their dad is their ultimate hero. Taylor questions, but she still revers; Peyton defies, but still worships. This is the time when Michael’s presence will help shape and mold the girls’ minds and hearts regarding the kind of man that they will someday marry.

And you know what? Michael misses them too. He loves playing Tickle Monster with them, listening to Peyton’s day or Taylor’s thoughts and opinions on a topic. He needs this time with them as much as they need it with him because he knows that there will come a time when they’ll question with less reverence, and the symbol at their altar of worship won’t be him. I realized that while I loved this wonderful man, I loved his children too. And true love is sacrifice. I don’t have any children, and so the sacrifice for love’s sake is new to me, but it’s great! The girls love me because they know that I will set aside my feelings (whatever they are) and make decisions for the betterment of the whole.

One last thing:  Holla at your girl on one of your child-free nights.  I’m serious about that drink!

Sherry