So I (Deesha) attended my 20th high school reunion this past weekend. The trip to Florida also afforded my fiancé, JB, the opportunity to meet my paternal grandparents. Because Grandma and Granddaddy are in the still-comedic stages of early dementia, and because I wasn’t sure if they even knew I was divorced (the divorce happened around the same time as my dad’s death), I wasn’t sure how they would react to JB.
Biting the bullet, we showed up unannounced, I introduced JB as my fiancé, and no one batted an eye. They were in usual form, which is to say, “hilarious”. Granddaddy brought out a steady stream of family photos from every decade since 1920 (no exaggeration), always commenting on what a sporty dresser he is in every picture, including his baby pictures. Grandma played the straight man, but never missed an opportunity for sarcasm and an eye roll at Granddaddy’s antics. Somehow in the midst of it all, Granddaddy confessed to sipping moonshine behind Grandma’s back (he even brought us the empty corn whiskey jar to prove it), JB promised to take Granddaddy out for a beer on our next visit–and Grandma, a good Christian woman, threatened them both.
I think it’s safe to say the family has embraced JB.
From my grandparents’ house, we went to Jacksonville’s riverfront for the reunion festivities. Within minutes of our showing up at the cocktail party/sushi dinner/reception, two classmates came up to me. We hugged and one classmate, Melanie, began talking about CoParenting101.org. The other asked, “What’s that?” Melanie answered, “She and her ex husband write about parents getting along after divorce for their kids’ sake.” Melanie went on to say some really kind things about the site and our efforts here.
I learned that night that, thanks to Facebook, some of my classmates have been following CoParenting101.org. Who knew? The class clown, Dave, came up to me and talked about the difficulties of being a child of divorce. He also promised to write about his experiences for the site. I’m holding you to that, Dave!
Another classmate, a mom of three beautiful girls, discussed her divorce and the evolving co-parenting relationship she has with her ex. She also promised me an interview.
Over the course of the weekend, I heard about several of my classmates’ divorces, their remarriages and blended families, and their child of divorce experiences. Co-parenting stories abound, and I’m happy to report that for all of the trauma and upheaval folks have endured, there was not a bitter classmate in the bunch. Or, if there was, maybe the endless cocktails smoothed off the rough edges of their reflections.
Cheers to the co-parents in the class of ’89!
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Somewhere in all this, there’s a movie asking to be made
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Hey there. Missed you while you away. Karaoke? LOL. This was a great article. It’s unfortunate that so many of your class mates have joined the ranks of ‘been there, done that, and now divored.’ However, it’s great that they see the importance of a healthy co-parenting relationship. Now only if we could get even more to follow suit…Keep up the good work, homie…
@ Shadow and Act …and I know just the Uncle Tickle Monster to make it!
@ Olivia: Thanks, luvie! And you are temptress with the karaoke. I’m going to work hard this week so that I can come!!
So glad you had such an affirming visit home!
Deesha, my 10-year reunion was this weekend, and although I didn’t go, I get the impression that most of my classmates are either newly-married, have babies or very young children, or are single…not many people in shared custody situations because we’re still pretty young, and not many people had children early (although a few did, and of course I think I’m the only one who married a former teenage parent).
Your post was a reminder of what is inevitably to come in 10 or 15 years. Whenever I talk to an older adult about all weddings happening in my peer group everywhere I turn, that person says, “Just wait until they all start getting divorced.” No one likes to think about the uncertain plight of all these newlyweds, but as all of us here know, divorce and separation happen to the best of us.
It’s nice to hear a positive story from 10 years down the road
That sounds like a great trip. I know I find the same thing – people who have read my blog feel comfortable confiding their experiences in me. It’s such an honor to be trusted this way. I love it too.