Source: Misha Media Wedding Photography

Can I (Deesha) just say that, in Sherry, my kids have a wonderful stepmom and that I’m thankful to be co-parenting with her?

The last few weeks have been busy around here with kid activities, grown-up travel, and the usual parenting hustle and bustle–things that can be further complicated by having kids living in two households.  Sure, we use tools to facilitate communication and coordination, but, being human, sometimes things still manage to fall through the cracks and sometimes there is miscommunication.  Well, this was the case with us recently, a mini-perfect storm of logistical missteps that left me frustrated.

[We hope you didn't think that because we run this site, we don't have our Co-Parenting Moments, lol.]

So, I did what any responsible co-parent would do first: I vented to JB, my fiancé.  He did all the right fiancé things–listening, affirming, loving.  But he also did what I needed him to do as a partner in co-parenting.  He helped me keep perspective, reminding me of what I know to be true:  Even with the latest missteps, Mike, Sherry, and I still have a great co-parenting relationship.

Calmer, I then reached out to Mike by phone, and we discussed the issues at hand. Even though the most recent miscommunication was between Sherry and me, I felt that I should talk with Mike, for two reasons.  First, I wanted to address not just the most recent issue, but the overall aforementioned mini-perfect storm of issues.  Second, Sherry and I get along very well, and I really didn’t relish having a Hard Conversation with her.  As I told Mike in response to the follow-up email he sent after our phone call, “I really didn’t want to express my frustration to Sherry. I know it’s not realistic over the course of a lifetime, but I want to keep things light with her.  You–on the other hand–I have no problem expressing my frustration to you, lol!”

In the end, Sherry and I did end up talking, clarifying, and clearing the air.  We had to keep it real.  As I’ve learned in all my close relationships, it’s a dance.  And to really dance with someone, you can’t keep them at arm’s length, and getting closer brings with it the unavoidable risk of getting your toes stepped on…or stepping on your partner’s.  But, that’s the price of the ticket, and for our kids’ sake, we’ve decided that it’s worth it.

Now, we know that our post-divorce co-parenting relationship is atypical, and we know that there are myriad healthy co-parenting arrangements, some better described as “civil” than “friendly.”  We applaud all co-parents who aim to cooperate for the sake of their kids, however that looks in practice.  Maybe your co-parenting “dance” isn’t a waltz.  Maybe it’s more like the Electric Slide or the Cupid Shuffle: You’re not paired up, but you are on the same dance floor, trying to step in the same direction.

Related:

Co-Parenting is For Grown-Ups

“It’s All About the Kids”

“Everyone Wants to Feel Validated and Respected”