We found a recent article penned by a divorced mother that we are excited to share. Kimberley S. Roberts offers great wisdom drawn from her co-parenting experiences. A bonus is that her children are now adults, so she can truly see how her and her ex’s efforts have paid off.
Here are a few excerpts:
“..At the ages of eight and four my two children learned one of life’s most difficult lessons, that their parents were unable to live together and that their definition of family would be forever changed. Only as these two innocent and wide eyed little boys began to ask questions, did I realize the incredible responsibility my children’s father and I were faced with regarding how we both chose to handle ourselves and our situation as to minimize the emotional harm to our children.
We both knew we had to put our children’s needs before our own disagreements, anger, shock and changing life and living situations. It was clear to both of us that we could never put our children in the middle of our adult situations. I continue to be unclear as to why some parents are able to put their children’s needs first and others are not but I have seen the effects of either of these paths on the many children who live through the divorce of their parents, including my own…” (emphasis ours)
“…No matter what our children’s ages or stages in life at the time of our divorces and long after our divorces, our decisions and interactions with our ex-spouses will mold our children’s personalities, outlooks on life, ability to engage in relationships, emotional stability and many other life areas. My children’s father and I decided early on that no matter what our “adult issues” were they would never be discussed in front of our children. No matter what our negative feelings were about one another, they would never be discussed in front of our children. And most importantly, we would never make a decision about our children by putting our wants and needs before those of the kids. This doesn’t sound too difficult but when you throw in money issues, child support issues, personality conflicts, a new dating partner, hurt feelings etc. it can become more of a challenge to put our children’s needs before our own. Yet to do this any other way would have most definitely caused long term emotional trauma for our children. As an adult and parent you must be able to make concessions and compromises even if you feel you are being wronged…”
Read the article in its entirety here.
Related:
You are Not Charles Barkley, or, Why You Must Cooperate with Your Ex
Co-Parenting and Healing: Rising from the Ashes of Divorce