Post-Script to “Co-Parenting and Step-Dating” Conversation // Co-Parenting 101

"Dear Lord, please help us not lose our minds once we introduce kids into our mix. Amen."

On last night’s “Co-Parenting Matters” talk show, we covered a lot of ground on the topic of step-dating. We had such a great conversation, we’re looking forward to having our kids’ stepmom and Mike’s wife, Sherry; and Yvonne Kelly, co-founder of the Step and Blended Family Institute; join us again soon to talk about what we didn’t get to:

challenges kids face when their parents date
important conversations that step-dating couples need to have.

Stay tuned for that show as well as this coming Sunday’s show: “Getting Over Your Ex”.

In the meantime, Yvonne left us with some additional words of wisdom via email:

It’s important to appreciate the very different positions that parents and non-parents are coming from in their step dating relationships. This is a key component of my coaching in the early stages – we call it “GETTING TO UNDERSTANDING”.

Sometimes, even if we can’t fully understand what the other person is going through, or their unique challenges, we can learn to hear and validate them and also understand their behavior and needs in a new way. For example, for parents who are dating, to understand that the non-parent partner is primarily in the relationship for the relationship, at least initially, and that they are in fact putting their own needs aside at times, in order to accommodate to the family reality. This needs to be validated, appreciated and honored.

By the same token, parents have the unique job of balancing a lot of things all at once, and that can be a tremendous responsibility, for which those of us who don’t have children, are ill-equipped to understand at the time. But without being able to understand the other person completely, we can show our appreciation, respect and validation for the struggle or challenges that they encounter, or the commitments that they make to us, in spite of everything.

When we do this, when we appreciate people for what it is they are dealing with, and for who they are, we begin to understand them more, we are able to be more forgiving at times, and it allows us to replace judgment and criticism with acceptance and love.