“I had bit my tongue so many times I was surprised that I wasn’t constantly bleeding profusely from the mouth.  I endured constant criticism of my parenting skills while my ex-husband swooped in like ‘Uncle Daddy.’”

Below, an anonymous Friend of Co-Parenting 101 offers an honest and revealing account of her struggle to honor her children’s right to have a relationship with their father, regardless of his failings. Read on to find out how she made the transition from a place of bitterness to become The Bigger Co-Parent:

I didn’t learn to be the bigger parent until about a year after my divorce.  I clearly remember arguing with my ex-husband over the phone over a variety of topics, then hanging up and mindlessly muttering some colorful expletive within earshot of my son and daughter.  My best friend would tell me to be the bigger person, to which I would reply, “It’s hard to be the bigger person when you’re only 5’1”!”

Then someone said to me, “Every time you speak negatively about their father, you’re insulting half of their DNA.”  Wow.  Those words hit me like a ton of bricks.  I never quite thought about it like that before.  When he walked out, in my brain he walked out on all three of us and the kids were somehow magically 100% mine.  I was so wrapped up in my own hurt and disbelief that it didn’t occur to me that they would still identify with him or that they’d still want to be with someone who proved time and time again that being a father was an inconvenience.  I wasn’t thinking about what the kids needed deep down in their hearts.

Then I met Jeff.  Jeff is the kind of man that makes you want to be a better person.  From the very beginning, he shared his life’s philosophy of “unconditional love”.  He encouraged me to extend that to my ex-husband, not only to heal my heart, but to set a good example for the kids.  Jeff modeled his philosophy on numerous occasions with several people in his life that objected to our relationship (we have a child together and have chosen to remain unmarried).  In his particular case, love (and cooler heads) always wins out.

I decided to change my tune and I started speaking more diplomatically about my ex-husband.  He continued to try to engage me in arguments, but I wouldn’t play.  In a fit of anger he said, “The kids are going to figure out what a piece of shit you are” to which I replied, “I guess they will.”