In order to give our kids the best foundation, we have to work together, and in order to work together, we have to respect each other in words and deeds. For me that means even when I don’t trust him as I once did, I have to trust the decision I made all those years ago [to marry him and have children] and trust that he is the very best father to our children he can be and will make the very best decisions with them in mind, and he must do the very same for me.

Those words of hard-won wisdom come from Friend of CoParenting101 and co-parenting mom, Blurbette.  After I (Deesha) read a recent post on her site entitled,”Co-Parenting Rescue and Recovery Mission Accomplished…Almost”, I knew it was a story we needed to share with our readers.  When I told Blurbette how compelling I found her family’s story to be, she told me, “It wasn’t pretty. I thought I was SUPERCOParent.”  Here’s Blurbette’s extremely candid and emotionally raw account of co-parenting gone wrong, then made right:

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It’s been about 3 months since the ship carrying my once ideal co-parenting after divorce relationship capsized. I’m not the best swimmer, but I made my way across the jagged rocks and thankfully was helped to shore by words of wisdom from The Homie, my mom, and a fabulous website run by Deesha, a new Twitter friend of mine at Co-Parenting101.org. Though I am on dry land, I may still need some help navigating the trails to find my way back home.

I really thought I had all of the answers. I’ve experienced marriage and divorce (and certainly dating) in every role; as the adoring daughter, the scornful step-daughter, the step-son (yep) one of my step-fathers always dreamed of having sitting next to him in the boat or at the baseball game, the dreaded ex-wife, the compassionate ex-wife, and the concerned and sometimes overprotective mother after divorce. Thing is, none of that prepares you for EVERY challenge. You’re dealing with different people with different experiences, all bringing a different dynamic to the table and what may have your “I’ve seen it before” arsenal may not serve as preparation for what’s in front of you.

Such was the case when Ex-Factor moved back into the house with the presumption of preparing it for sale; a sale I was never in favor of. We discussed it, sure, but mostly I listened to all the ways it would supposedly benefit me when inside I was certain none of it would but it would without question benefit him. Add to that Ex-Factor simultaneously starting a new relationship, the first post-divorce, the very week he moved in and we definitely hadn’t discussed that. Oh, we did high level stuff where I encouraged him to get back into the scene, even urging him to step up his game with an online acquaintance, now the New-Factor but we never got into the nitty gritty. We never discussed how living as room-mates would bring back memories, some unpleasant, of having been man and wife under the very same roof.