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Elmo, Othello, and a Co-Parent Walk Into a Bar: Can You Laugh in the Face of Co-Parenting Drama?

Friday, 12 November 2010 | 08:55

Okay, Elmo, Othello, and a co-parent didn’t really walk into a bar, but imagine the comedy that would ensue if they did. Comedy and co-parenting…two topics you don’t usually think of as connected, but read on…

Shakespeare probably wasn’t talking to co-parents when he wrote in Othello, “The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief.”* But his words certainly apply to co-parents who are able to smile, laugh, or otherwise have joy in spite of the efforts of a difficult ex who tries to inconvenience them or their children, make their lives miserable, or worse, outright rob a parent and child of their relationship through parental alienation. Surely parental alienation and similar behavior are no laughing matter. But while you can work to protect your children from parental conflict and alienation, all you can truly control are your own actions and reactions. And when dealing with a difficult ex, it’s important to remember not to let this person’s antics steal your joy, especially your delight in your children.

So back to Shakespeare…The Bigger Co-Parent is the “robbed that smiles.” Your difficult ex seeks to rob you of your joy or your relationship with your children. But if you choose your battles, respond not react, and otherwise do the best you can to keep your cool and keep the peace, you’ll be able to hold on to your joy and perhaps even smile or laugh in the face of less-than-stellar behavior from your ex. Your ability to do so “steals” the satisfaction your ex would have gotten if you’d become enraged or otherwise reacted to their nonsense. Laughter is healing; finding the comedy in an otherwise miserable situation can bring you closer to moving on and rising above. Living well is the best revenge, so whenever possible, don’t allow your smile and your joy to become casualties in the one-sided war with a difficult ex.

But is it really possible to smile and laugh in the face of co-parenting drama? Recently, on Facebook and on Twitter, we posed the following question:

“What’s the craziest thing your ex ever said/did/does, related to your co-parenting arrangement? And can you laugh about it now?”

We received several responses including these:

Posted under Adventures in How Not to Co-Parent, Bigger Co-Parent Fatigue Syndrome, Co-Parenting Question of the Week, Co-Parenting Stories, Distance Co-Parenting, Happy endings, Healing, Problem...Solved, Remarriage, The Best Medicine |

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Last Updated on Monday, 8 August 2011 | 12:41

Co-Parenting Heroes: “They even praised each other on Facebook!”

Tuesday, 14 September 2010 | 10:40

While Co-Parenting Heroes don’t don capes and masks, they do attempt feats that are often considered extraordinary and super-human in the cultural imagination. Those who are parenting after break-up are almost expected to battle one another instead of teaming up to do the heavy-lifting of helping their children heal and ultimately thrive despite the parental break-up, emotional trauma, and the reality of living across two households. Co-Parenting Heroes do what some consider impossible, and yet they walk amongst us, struggling, making mistakes, learning from them…evolving. They are fully human.

Some Co-Parenting Heroes are like Batman and Robin. Others, not quite so chummy, are able to leap tall baggage from their former relationship and not bad-mouth each other in front of their kids.

There is no one-size-fits-all way of co-parenting. We highlight Heroes to show the many faces of co-parenting–what it looks like when, after a break up, parents put their differences aside and put their children’s need for emotional stability and peace, first. And to show that co-parenting is humanly possible.

Meet today’s Heroes… Mydria and David. Here’s what their nominator had to say about them…

For over two years, co-parents Mydria and David have lived 100 miles apart and transported their son (now 4 years old) weekly from the Sacramento and San Francisco Bay areas to maintain 50/50 joint custody. Though this parenting plan was convenient for both, they knew that when their son started kindergarten, one parent would have to move to the other parent’s location or become the noncustodial parent.

David refused to move from the Bay Area, and Mydria struggled to decide whether or not to move closer to David. She had a great job and a great life in Sacramento, and she didn’t want to have to start over again, especially in a more expensive location. She also didn’t want to move at David’s convenience. Mydria already lives across the country from her entire family (they live in Connecticut and rarely get to see her and her son), but felt it was best to stay in California so her son could be physically close to both parents. Because of this, she felt it was David’s turn to make a sacrifice.

Posted under Co-Parenting ABCs, Co-Parenting Heroes, Co-Parenting Stories, Distance Co-Parenting, Happy endings, Problem...Solved |