A reader, Kristin, left the following comment on a recent guest post, “Part 2, Co-Parenting with an Abusive Ex-Spouse”:
I’m going through it now and can’t see the end of the tunnel. My kids are 3 and 6. While I ignore my ex husband, his behavior just gets more and more erratic. I recently had to involve DYFS because he began touching my 3 year old daughter inappropriately. He claims she is “red down there” and he puts cream on her. This is causing her pain and also making her focus on her private areas. While DYFS wouldn’t call it sexual abuse they do agree it is strange behavior and required intervention.
He neglects my son as well, not taking him to any activities on his weekends (he is only an every other weekend dad) My son misses soccer/baseball/basketball every other weekend. He also misses any birthday parties or school events that occur on his father’s weekends.
His latest attempt at scaring me has been that when he brings the kids home from their visit he stops off at my local police station and brings an officer along because he claims he is afraid of me. I don’t even come to the door when the kids get picked up and dropped off. I send them out when he pulls in the driveway for pick up and I leave the door open for drop off….I don’t even show him my face. But the kids come in and say….”mom, we went to the police station and a policeman followed us home.” I went out to speak with the officer and as I approached him I smiled. He said “You’re smiling so you must be doing something wrong.” I calmly said, “No officer, I am concerned that you are here. I know that you know there is a pending restraining order against my ex husband and now he is using you to harass me as well. The officer replied that he was not harassing me just offereing my ex a service that they provide. I told him I just wanted to make sure that this “service” was not an attempt to make me look like a trouble maker. I reminded him that I never come to the door for the exchange. Of course the exchange had me up all night worried. What this is all about??!! Another attempt at control? Another scare tactic (he used to do this on email but I guess was advised not to have this stuff in writing).
I was hoping that DYFS involvment would help my kids get the therapy they need (In NJ therapist require the permission of both parents when divorced!!! – – He will not agree for them to get couseling. But my own mental heath is suffereing. I was seeing a therapist who did a great job of helping me to ignore most of his antics, but as soon as he realized his latest attempt is not working he comes up with a more dire and extreme way to harass me. I don’t know what to do!! Your blog has helped me to realize I’m not the only woman with these problems….but any addtional suggestions and help you could give me would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
We reached out to the anonymous author of the guest post, and this is her response to Kristin:
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