We received this note from a co-parenting mom:

I’ve been on this roller coaster with my ex-husband…and I don’t know how to deal with it. He’s always telling my daughter how little money he has and making me look bad. He even had her ask me for gas money last night. He’s 49 dating a girl that just turned 22. My daughter likes her and no matter how much I tell her it’s wrong, she still defends him. We have friends that will not let their daughters over his house anymore because of it. My daughter will be 15 next week and is strong-willed. I have read text messages on my daughter’s phone about them making fun of me and how angry I will get over something and they laugh about it. How do I get her back??? Last night after the gas money issue, I told her to tell him to ask his girlfriend instead of his ex-wife. Then I tried to explain to her that he shouldn’t have put her in the middle. She went to his house last night, and it was the first time ever she never said, “I love you” back [to me] in a text message [while] saying goodnight. I’m really struggling to deal with this situation. If anyone has any advice, I would appreciate it.

Unfortunately, you’re dealing with a heady combination of adolescence, post-divorce fallout, and an ex who in some respects is behaving more like a peer than a parent. And in true adolescent form, your daughter is wired to rebel.  It’s hard to be the “bad cop” parent when the other parent is Fun Time Charlie, but hold fast.  Your job is to set boundaries, be a disciplinarian, and love your daughter unconditionally…even when her and her father’s actions are unnerving.   Your job is not to be her friend.  She may be enjoying her father’s “friendship” now, but it’s your stability and consistency that will serve her well, in life.