Archive for the ‘In the news’ Category


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“I am doing my best to raise a happy, active and healthy boy. I believe that wherever possible, if the parents can cooperate and co-parent in a positive way, the child will benefit. Levi and I are turning a new page here as co-parents to this wonderful boy and putting aside the past because doing so is in Tripp’s best interests.”

–Bristol Palin (holding baby brother Trig), in a statement issued to Good Morning America

Bristol Palin said it all, so I have nothing to add except to note how various media outlets place “co-parenting” in quotation marks in their headlines for this story. I know that they are quoting her, but you don’t see headlines reporting a celebrity couple’s statement that they are “divorcing”, quote-unquote, because divorce is common parlance. By contrast, “co-parenting” is this new-fangled thing that flies in the face of the age-old presumption of a primary custodian, typically the mother, after a divorce or other break-up. Increasingly, states are changing the language and practice of family law to reflect a presumption of shared parenting instead. The best-case scenario resulting from this shift is that co-parenting becomes the norm, except in cases where it is to a child’s detriment.

But more is required than a change in presumption and lingo (“parenting time” is the new “custody and visitation”). The family court system is, by its very nature, an adversarial process–parent vs. parent–and that flies in the face of what’s best for kids. In this system, parents have incentive to vilify each other in order to “win.” But as even some lawyers will admit, there are no “winners” in family court when parents must face each other as adversaries in a tug of war over their children. In order for children to truly win, the system has to change. Judges like Michele Lowrance, author of The Good Karma Divorce, are bringing innovative changes to the domestic relations legal process.

Barring a massive overhaul of the family court system, parents would do well to take advantage of alternative approaches to traditional litigation after a break-up, such as mediation or collaborative law. But each of these also has its limits: parents must be willing to forgo their quest for emotional justice and revenge, and seek instead what’s best for their children. Only then can children win. Only when this attitude toward post-break-up parenting becomes more prevalent than the outdated Kramer v. Kramer model will co-parenting cooperatively be seen as less of an anomaly…no quotation marks required.

Read more of Deesha’s columns at The Faster Times here. And while you’re there, find out how you can support new media, get a free gift, AND get a 1-hour co-parenting coaching session with Deesha!

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Tags: , ,   |  Posted under Co-Parenting ABCs, Co-Parenting Stories, Happy endings, Healing, In the news, Problem...Solved, Resources  |  Comments  No Comments  |
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Last Updated on Friday, 18 June 2010 | 06:35

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Reactions to the news of former Vice President Al Gore and his wife Tipper’s separation have pretty much fallen into 3 categories of commentary: 1) “For crying out loud, after 40 years, they should have just stuck it out!”; 2) macro-level consideration and trendspotting along the lines of “Separation as an Iconic Baby Boom Act” and “The Rise of the Silver Divorce”; and 3) wisecracks about who’ll get possession of the Internet in the subsequent divorce settlement. What I haven’t read is commentary devoted solely to the question that’s often asked about a millisecond after a couple announces a divorce or separation: “What about the children?”

In the Gores’ case, because the children in question are ages 36 (Karenna*), 33 (Kristin), Sarah (31), and Albert (27), there’s less public attention given to how the divorce will impact them, than there would be if they were still minors. Recently, I reached out to some folks whose parents divorced after they (the offspring) were adults, and I asked them to reflect on their experiences. I found that the impact of divorce on this cohort should not be overlooked or underestimated. Here’s what three of these “adult children” of divorce, now in their 30s and 40s, had to say…

Read the rest of Deesha’s latest column at The Faster Times here. And while you’re there, find out how you can support new media, get a free gift,  AND get a 1-hour co-parenting coaching session with Deesha!


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Posted under Adult Children of Divorce, Healing, In the news, Resources  |  Comments  No Comments  |
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Last Updated on Friday, 11 June 2010 | 07:36

Our tweep, lawyer, writer, and single mom Carolyn Edgar gives us the real deal on celebrity child/spousal support awards, and why we shouldn’t get so worked up over them:

Every time there’s a news story about the divorce/custody battles of rich people, the Twitterverse explodes, with people complaining like their own pockets just got hit.  Reports that Los Angeles Dodgers owner Frank McCourt will have to pay his estranged wife $637,000 in temporary spousal support sparked all kinds of outrage.  On Twitter, one man said, “I just don’t think you should get married if you can lose more than a 3rd world country in the divorce.”   Women, too, wondered if the prospect of going broke in divorce justifies delaying or avoiding marriage.

Get a grip, people.

I’ve been married.  I’ve been divorced.  And I lost a whole lot of money in the process.  But the money didn’t go to my ex.  It went to our lawyers (both of whom I had to pay).  It went to the lawyers because instead of accepting a reasonable settlement offer, my ex went looking for one of those huge celebrity paydays and wound up with next to nothing.

Anyone who is afraid to get married because of a celebrity divorce, or who expects their own divorce settlement will be like winning MegaMillions, is delusional.  The following facts may help you get over your fears or fantasies:

Read the rest here.

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Posted under Bitter, Child Support, Divorce, Finances, In the news, Legal, The Best Medicine  |  Comments  No Comments  |
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Last Updated on Monday, 14 June 2010 | 07:36