This is the Dad Basket in Deesha’s foyer.

When people ask us how we manage to get along post-divorce as co-parents, usually they’re asking about emotional stuff.  But while the emotional components to our transition from spouses to divorce co-parents is important, the practical aspects of our co-parenting partnership also factor in.

Take, for example, the amount of Stuff that must be managed by and for kids.  Now double the management requirements (per kid) when those kids live in two households.  That’s a lot of potential for lost items and kids not having what they need when they need it.  We decided at the onset of our separation that our kids would not travel between households with suitcases.  They would have everything they needed at both houses.  They are free to take special items with them out of desire, but not necessity.

To keep the kids from scurrying around gathering things at the last minute when Mike comes to pick them up, we set up a basket in my (Deesha’s) foyer (the usual pick up spot) where the kids can place things that they want to remember to take with them.  I also place schoolwork and other important papers in the basket.  When Mike arrives, he gathers everything* into a bag that remains in the back of his car for a few days and takes it to his house.  Hence the name the kids came up with: The Dad Basket.

The Dad Basket is a system that helps us and our kids coordinate life across two households.  I tend to be the first to see the schoolwork the kids bring home, so if a savvy teacher sends two copies of something home, I make sure to put a copy in the Dad Basket.  If there’s only one copy, I get the information I need and then put the original in the Dad Basket.  The kids decide which of their artistic masterpieces they want to leave at my house, and which they want to put in the  Dad Basket to take to their Dad’s house.  If a child is taking medication, it goes in the Dad Basket.  If I want them to try a new hair product, I buy two and put one in the Dad Basket. Phone chargers, a shirt for Black and Gold Day at school, a kilt for school because somehow they’ve all ended up over here…in the Dad Basket.

The less we have to discuss, look for, and wring our hands over stuff–missing stuff, can’t-live-without stuff, Important Stuff–the better.  The Dad Basket makes life–and co-parenting–easier.

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*Lately, the girls have taken to dumping random personal things in the dad basket when they don’t feel like walking upstairs to their rooms.  So if you institute a dad basket, make sure it comes with some ground rules.