A reader wrote:

I am in the process of divorcing a man that put bruises on myself and my children. I find myself realizing that part of me still loves him very much, and wants him to be a good father to his kids. Yet he insists on playing the martyr to anyone and everyone who will listen, while using his infrequent visitation (supervised only) with the kids to try to get information from them or pass messages to me.

Meanwhile, I have been researching codependency articles, How-To-Save-Your-Marriage articles, abuser and abusee articles. I am attending two different churches at different times, as well as any parenting and co-parenting classes I can find. I have also been taking my children to counseling to help them through the divorce as well as the mental, emotional, and physical abuse.

My main problem is, I want them to have a good relationship with their father. They want a good relationship with their father. He professes to want a good relationship with them, yet I cannot trust him. Every time I try to let him into their lives a little, he abuses the privilege. He is convinced that he did nothing wrong.

How can I protect my children while preserving their relationship with their father?

What advice or encouragement do you have for this reader?

Read on for our response.