And thank you for all you do for stepmoms and their families! xo

~Deesha

I love what you do for co-parents. I believe that love and truth prevail in all situations and that the Creator who made us all sees our heart and knows what we lay down every day for our kids.

I pick up my children at 9am, I’m so happy that I get to be with my kids for the weekend of Mother’s Day. All Saturday we went to the river, swam, ate lunch and played. By 4pm we were all exhuasted and came home half asleep.

By 6pm I made a big supper with my children’s favorite foods and had a great dinner.

Then at or around 8ish the kids and I wrestled and I was the claw making them laugh histerically, by getting that little spot under the chin and they just roll on the floor. Then they got Mommy at my neck, we all have the same tickle spot that paralizes us in luaghter.
They both began to get rough and out of control One grabbing at my neck and the other all of the sudden jumped in the air and landed on me. He body slammed me with his knee’s in my stomach. I jumped up, told them to sit down and explain why they would hurt me like that.

My son knew he was hurting me, and when I asked him why he shrugged his shoulder’s looking down just saying, “I don’t know why.., I didn’t mean to do that.., I’m sorry mommy I do love you.” When I asked again why did you hurt me like that? Didn’t you realize that jumping in the air and landing on me with your knee’s would hurt me? He said yes, I don’t know why I did it.
I asked where do the two of you get the idea to treat Mommy so badly? Why do you think that it is Ok?
Then my son dropped his head looking to the floor as he said he doesn’t know why. In that same moment the scariest little smurk of an evil smile quickly ran over his lips, as though I would not notice.

My daughter has been behaving in this manner worse and worse and my son who I thought had not been turned against me since, we were the closest to each other all through out his life. It has been a full year now that I see my kids maybe every other weekend with a supervisor and the kids have turned into people I do not know. When I and the supervisor spoke to the children about their behavior towards me they had generic excuses, I just don’t know, I can’t remember. I asked them to let me be a part of their lives. I don’t know the two of you any more, why won’t you include me in your life. I am your mother. When ever I was most upset I would cry for my mommy, the two of you won’t even have a real conversation. I have no idea about how and where they spend their time each day.

My daughter has spoke about a problem with one of her classmates, this was a little bit more like a mother and child talk. However, when the children went back to their Dad’s I was told that I told my duaghter that she had an awful friend and shouldn’t trust her, and so on… I also was told that I said I didn’t like her mother and that she should just stay away from her.(I have never met or have a clue of what her friends mother’s name is or what she looks like)

This was conveyed to the mother of that child through my ex’s mom, spoken as she could not believe any adult would say such a thing to a child. Then I am told I speak to my children in an un-fit manner, and I need to choose my words wisely. This parent of my childs friend is a student at my mother-in-laws school. Both my kid’s go to her sutto school, and both are two years behing their age in education, but I can’t say anything about that, said GAL.

I still ask why the kids won’t let me in? Don’t you want Mommy’s hugs and kisses? Do you want to see your Mommy? The two of you know I would and have put my life at risk at all cost for you. My son kind of was upset, my daughter was openly crying, as she knows what ever is going on and won’t tell. They both show little remorse of affection for me now.

Today they took me to lunch hung out and they were ok acting. We tried to move on and have a good day and not think about the night before. Then about two hours before they had to go, I had to tell them that I would not get to see them for 6 weeks because I would not be able to have a supervisor. Neither reacted happy, sad, they just said Oh, I’m going to miss you. Then started laughing and playing, we played chess, then soon it got closer and closer to leave and I got uncomfortable hugs from my children. The were not real or had emotion, they hugged me lazily and monotoned, we are going to miss you. I do love you, I miss you so much. Seconds later happily they run to the car to go to leave me. My son gave me no hug before he went off with his Dad, he just said bye without looking at me. My daughter did come back to hug me again. As I hugged her I looked to the ground to tell her to pick soomething up. I kept my head down and turned my back to their dad so no one would see how bad I was crying.

Seeing my children has become a way of abuse now from the abuse I delt with their father in our home mentally. I sit here alone now and wonder why I put myself through this weekend torcher from my ex, my kids, spending so much money to go back and forth and make arrangement with 2 jobs?

I love my children, this is a dark day and a Mother’s Day I won’t soon forget.

A dad who frequents our Facebook group posted last week that his respect for his child’s mom stems from his respect for his child. It’s not about how he feels about her, or even whether she returns his respect. So, while it’s still not easy, it may be helpful to think of the basic measure of respect that you show your ex as a gift to your children, completely separate from your ex’s choices.

You may feel that withholding your respect let’s your ex (and others?) know that you don’t approve of her behavior, and that showing respect for her would suggest the opposite.
But I don’t think anyone would ever mistake anything you do for condoning your ex’s behavior. What you are showing her is grace, and what you are showing your children is a hard-won maturity and that your focus is on their well-being, above all else. You’re also modeling for them that when there is sadness and disappointments in life, it’s possible, in time, to move forward. Finally, if you are disrespectful (to your ex or to anyone), you’re teaching your children that it’s okay to treat people disrespectfully. So, think about what it is you want to model for your kids, and that may help motivate you in the face of this understandably hard, hard situation.

And give yourself time. Time to release your ex from any desire you have to “punish” her or “make her pay” for what she’s done. These are common thoughts from co-parents in your situation; they fear that showing respect lets the unfaithful ex off the hook. But keeping your ex on the hook keeps you trapped as well, and keeps you from truly being free and moving forward into the next phase of your life. By not accepting that it’s not your job to make sure your ex knows you disapprove of her behavior, you’ll free yourself. And in doing so, you free up more emotional energy for the rest of your life, including your parenting. Another gift to your kids.

Your ex probably knows that you don’t approve of her choices. You may feel that she doesn’t deserve to be happy and live as if she didn’t turn your life upside down. And you’re entitled to those feelings, but she’s living her life regardless because she doesn’t need your permission or approval. Trying shifting your focus from your feelings about her behavior, to your children’s well-being, period, where she’s concerned.

If you feel your ex’s behavior is somehow negatively impacting your children, address those issues specifically with her, and seek legal and therapeutic resources as needed. Take a solution-oriented approach; focus on any specific problems that emerge with regard to your children, instead of seeing your ex as the problem.If you feel, for example, that her ongoing involvement with this man is impacting your children negatively, instead of pressing the issue of her involvement with her, work to get family counseling mandated if your ex won’t agree to it.

None of this is easy. But your kids are worth the effort, and you’ll feel better in the long run as well as you practice letting go. It’s not condoning your ex’s behavior to resolve to turn your focus away from her and things you can’t control and toward the things you can, such as your own choices and behavior, and nurturing the relationship you have with your kids.

Best to you,
~Deesha

My situation is impossible, the GAL doesn’t intervine, instead when the father and I had our last session with our psychologist for “co-parenting,” I was blamed for the “possibility” of telling my children that I thought his mother was cutting me out of their life. If this “possibility” were maybe true, they will make my going on 20 month supervision longer.

I don’t know what to do. My children are so distanced from me now, it’s as though I am not their mother any longer.

There is this huge Elephant in the room and the couselor, psych, GAL, all side with hearsay from my ex. They could not keep the obvious bribery at bay just recently, so the lamp is on me for hurting their psychy of the mother in-law’s role in their life. This woman is evil. My son and I were like two pea’s in a pod and now he could care less. My daughter acts like she know’s how badly they are treating me at her dad’s but when I speak to her on the phone I am the outsider on the inside family joke in our conversations.

I am getting my life back together to be able to provide for my children. in order to get back on my feet, I’m at square 1 frome being a stay at home mom (farther now). He is an adddict of many sorts and he has so many family and friends that help him hide it. He works for his mother at a school. I have given the court rehab documents, jail records, and a hand written confession of his gambling problem.

Is there anything that can be done? It is so one sided and corrupt, how can he get away with this and why does every authority figure act blindly about him. I haven’t had a speeding ticket since I was 16, and no other record what so ever. I am an honest and good mother. I love my children more than anything in the world. I’m missing my babies grow up. I’m a little afraid to post this for fear I will get punished more.

My children aren’t being educated! My 5 year old doesn’t know the alphabet but if I attempt to quiz him or speak about any educational issue with either of my children, or to any one, the GAL will take the kids supervisor away and I will have to pay for the next one. The GAL even told me I could not video tape my children when we spend time together? If I had not taken picture’s of our visitation then some of our past visitational lies would have had the kids out of my life! What country am I in?

My lawyer is held back by the GAL, I’m told. The judge say’s he will side with the GAL, because she knows “What are in the best interest of the children.” This woman is the top in our city for the children’s law office’s. She doesn’t see my kids at all, maybe an hour total for this entire custody battle.

Any suggestions, I don’t understand how this can continue, I am pushing my way through this to make things right, if I can. Some one has to be able to bring these money hungry people down. They are abusive to me and ultimatelly my children. They are suffering most with all of this brainwashing, they won’t be able to attend school at their age level when and if this comes out.

aahh… help