A co-parenting dad, Steve, sent us the following note:

My ex-wife planned a birthday party for my son. I only heard about it today. The party is in a few days. I asked her via email why she didn’t let me know about it and if she intended to invite me. Her reply was that she’s “… thinking about it.” What’s worse is that we actually talked about it months ago – I told her, “…let’s plan his birthday party out together this year.” But she didn’t want to invite my wife. That is, in essence, the root of the problem. I’ve been separated for 4 years and married to my new wife for 2.5 years – and she still hasn’t gotten over it. But what am I supposed to do when my son asks if I’m coming to his party? I don’t want to bad mouth his mother. I don’t want him to think that I don’t want to be there. Personally, I think I should just show up at the party. He’s my son – and he’s only having one bday party. I did think about having a separate bday party for him, but that seems silly – and all of his friends are already going to be at this party…

We know that some of you can relate to Steve’s scenario: how to handle birthdays…and, in general, how to respond honestly to your child about the other parent’s behavior and affirm your relationship with your child, all without throwing the other parent under the bus.  How do you and your ex handle birthday celebrations?  What advice would you give Steve?  Read on for our response…